I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize