saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
