Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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