first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
