based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
