I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
