I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
