Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
