woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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