I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
