Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
