he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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