$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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