you guys were way drunker than both of me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
