I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize