Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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