Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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