So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
