hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
