He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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