it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
