Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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