i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
