I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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