is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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