I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
