the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
