I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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