Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
