I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
