Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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