He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
