I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
