Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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