I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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