I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
