Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
