this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
4 words: hood of his car
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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