We're facebook friends in real life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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