I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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