Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
