She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize