Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
