You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
