if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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