I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
