omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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