do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
