Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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