So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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