he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
