I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
