She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
