Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
