Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
