I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
