he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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