i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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