Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize