and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
