actually, I'm a sock model
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
