We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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