I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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