when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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