Don't you send me to vm
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
