i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize