I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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