i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
