whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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