i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
