Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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