It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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