Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
love makes seman taste better
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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