They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
