Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
