i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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