my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
