the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize