So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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