remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
