is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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