and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
