i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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