this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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