guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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