Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
