The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
