it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
