omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
