She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
