No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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