I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sober January is a disaster.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize