um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
