Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
