there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize